Understanding Disappointment

Disappointment is an inevitable part of life that we all face at some point.

Photo by Everett Bartels on Unsplash

“Disappointment fosters resilience and growth.” — Nefessa Williams

Certainly, the "D" word often surfaces in discussions about divorce, which can be an immense source of disappointment for those involved. But disappointment, in general, is a universal experience.

Have you ever anticipated something only to be met with a letdown? It can be quite disheartening. So, how do we cope with disappointment? And how can we support loved ones facing their own struggles?

Personally, I find it easier to handle my own disappointments. Perhaps I have grown accustomed to them; many people have let me down over time, and I have let myself down as well. However, when a family member, particularly my daughters, faces a major disappointment, it deeply affects me.

As a mother of teenage girls, I’ve witnessed many instances of disappointment, especially in today’s social media-driven world. The hurt of seeing friends enjoy events that they weren’t included in can be a painful reminder.

The most challenging moments occur when my daughters are disappointed in themselves, often spiraling into a state of sadness. A poor grade, a failed test, a dance mishap, or forgetting an important event can take them days to recover from.

My younger daughter is incredibly sweet yet highly sensitive. While her kindness is endearing, I tread carefully around her feelings. Recently, she had been eagerly anticipating her driving permit appointment. Having excelled in driver's education, she was thoroughly prepared and had studied diligently.

However, the DMV can be a nerve-wracking place; a single error could lead to a wasted trip. I probably double-checked our documents a hundred times. It felt better to be overly prepared than to risk being turned away.

As we made our way to the DMV, her anxiety peaked. She has been receiving therapy for her anxiety and panic disorder, making this situation particularly daunting. I kept reassuring her that no matter what happened, she could retake the test in a week if necessary.

But, as we know, the DMV tends to include tricky questions that can easily trip you up. After her test, she emerged with a stricken expression, on the verge of tears. She missed one question too many to pass, and all she could say was how embarrassed and foolish she felt. Though I tried to comfort her, she didn’t want to hear it.

My heart ached for her. During our 20-minute drive home, she needed space to process her feelings. I recognized that I also need time alone to gather my thoughts when things don’t go as planned.

Later, after her dance class, she seemed to have bounced back and was ready to talk. “I’m fine now, I’m over it,” she said, but then expressed her frustration over the absurdity of one of the exam questions: “What is the fine for leaving an animal stranded on the side of the road?” Who even knew the answer to that?

Returning to the topic of disappointment, it's often challenging to let go of painful experiences. Learning to navigate through disappointment can be a valuable skill. So, what can we do to overcome it?

For me, recognizing the source of my negative feelings is a crucial first step. For instance, if you’re vying for a promotion at work but it goes to a colleague, it’s natural to feel disappointed. Acknowledge those feelings—sadness, anger, confusion—about why you weren’t selected.

Consider discussing your emotions with your boss to gain clarity; your feelings are valid. Remember, every disappointment carries a lesson.

By allowing my daughter the space to reflect, listen to music, and engage in physical activity, we both processed our emotions about the situation. We discussed our feelings the next morning and acknowledged that life doesn’t always unfold as we hope.

Instead of dwelling on disappointment, we sought out additional practice tests online to prepare her for a retake. There are countless study materials available, and you never know what questions might arise at the DMV.

I hope her next attempt goes smoothly, but I’m ready to support her through whatever comes next. As a mother, my instinct is to fix problems, but sometimes, we simply need time to process our feelings.

Disappointment is a common human emotion associated with sadness. However, there are ways to navigate it without sinking into prolonged despair. Unfortunately, life can be unfair, and disappointment is part of the human experience.

In tough situations, it’s beneficial to talk to someone or write down your feelings. Denying your emotions doesn’t help.

The silver lining of disappointment is that it cultivates resilience and personal growth.

How do you manage disappointment in your life?

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Thank you for reading!

Much love, Michele