Chapter 1: The Misconception of Purpose

Listen closely, friends. You are being misled, and it's time to shed light on this deception.

[Let’s not start off on the wrong foot with the audience.]

Okay, I mean … I truly believe you’re smart, capable individuals; that’s why you’re seeking out self-improvement resources. The internet is flooded with them. But let’s not get carried away thinking that everything you consume has the solutions you seek. It doesn’t; we don’t.

This isn't an excuse to stop reading; rather, it’s a call to keep an open mind and continue on this journey with me. By the end, things will make more sense.

In this brief discussion — by my standards, at least — I want to address two of the most significant misconceptions in the self-help universe. I aim to atone for two major mistakes made during the early years of adulthood. Why the atonement? Because I’ve been guilty of them too.

Youth: Misguided by the Young

Whether it’s the polished posts on LinkedIn or the pseudo-spiritual content on Instagram, it’s likely that a vibrant, youthful “coach” has captivated you with their catchy yet ultimately empty guidance on life, love, health, or finances.

Perhaps you subscribe to a newsletter that shares insights readily available on Google for free.

Maybe you follow numerous “wellness influencers” while struggling with your own health. (Trust me, I relate.)

You might have spent a hefty sum on a short course that offers a coaching certificate lacking real value.

They seem to have all the right words: referencing Seneca, borrowing from Tim Ferriss’ routines, and sharing emotionally charged stories that feel sincere but often don’t reveal much and usually wrap up happily.

Yet, deep down, you sense something is off. “Why isn’t my life improving?” Or, “I’m still lost.”

Meanwhile, these influencers are cashing in on partnerships with major brands.

They’ve secured impressive funding rounds and are collecting accolades you’ve never heard of but are told are significant.

I completely understand your frustration. I spent my twenties performing music in various dive bars while earning a meager salary at a call center. It’s easy to feel annoyed and envious.

How did these seemingly perfect individuals attain such happiness, health, and fulfillment? What a beautiful spouse, home, and physique they flaunt!

So, you keep listening, hoping for that moment of clarity. You wait for the breakthrough. You wait for your life to transform. You wait.

“They’re mistaken,” you whisper under your breath, growing more frustrated as you find yourself spiraling deeper into confusion.

Aging: Misguided by the Older Generations

“They don’t understand the realities of life,” the older folks will say. These are the Xennials who are nearing 40. (Hello there!)

“They’re too youthful, too attractive, and too privileged. They’ve never faced rejection.”

They’ve abandoned traditional markers of success: dating, ambition, money, and emotions.

They offer edgy newsletters filled with recycled information that you could easily find online, or have heard complaints about at a bar from disillusioned Gen Xers.

Having already faced their own struggles — weight gain, multiple divorces, or regrets about life choices — they’ve accumulated a following without much substance.

Perhaps you’ve moved past the lessons from those overly polished influencers.

Maybe after pursuing what you thought would bring happiness, you’re ready to discover what truly fulfills you.

You might be prepared to confront “hard truths” or learn how systemic barriers hinder genuine progress. You may feel overwhelmed by the world’s challenges and your own circumstances.

[Yes, the world is challenging, but it’s not as dire as it often seems, and you’re likely in a better position than you realize.]

They might say the right things: quoting Sartre, resharing insightful tweets, and sharing relatable personal stories that initially charm but later exhaust your spirit.

Yet, they’ve secured book deals and speaking engagements, presenting themselves as the “rebels” of the industry, collecting awards you’ve never heard of but are assured are important.

I understand your position. I spent my thirties working in an office while pursuing hobbies like marathons and travel. I experienced joy, love, and achievement. I don’t have time to dwell in bitterness.

Honestly, my thirties felt like a refreshing reboot of my life. The entire cast and crew changed when we received a larger budget. It was thrilling — except for the global turmoil.

Yet, even those who seem disillusioned are often thriving. Perhaps they’ve embraced healthier habits or discovered their true callings.

What a charming home, and what intelligent children you have! You look even younger than in your college days! Did you really attend Burning Man? You can genuinely quit your job instead of just “quiet quitting”?

So, you continue to listen, waiting for that moment of insight. You hope for clarity. You anticipate your life taking off. And still, you wait.

“They’re mistaken,” you realize, perhaps acknowledging that the youth might have a valid point in their lack of certainty.

Bridging the Two Misconceptions

If there’s one thing I find more frustrating than young coaches urging you to “find your niche,” it’s the older skeptics who dismiss those young voices. Let’s be honest.

We’re all guilty of missing the mark. Young, old, successful, unsuccessful, optimistic, or cynical, we all carry our own misconceptions. Here’s the reality:

You won’t “find” your purpose. This isn’t meant to sound hopeless; it’s about recognizing that your purpose, passions, and motivations evolve at different stages of life. As life and the world transform, so do you.

You must adapt. Change is unavoidable; intentional growth is what matters. You shouldn’t be the same at 42 as you were at 24. The secret lies in allowing life to shape you without solidifying into rigidity.

We yearn to believe in potential, particularly when you demonstrate it through your actions rather than merely speaking about it.

We want to critique and question, but only if those skeptics can do so with style.

You never find your purpose; you live it. You don’t just learn your role; you embody it. You don’t merely discover your niche; you actively explore. You may settle in one place for a time, but the journey never ceases. None of us reach a final destination.

The reason we are drawn to others has little to do with their words and everything to do with who they are.

We don’t require proof; we seek authenticity. Be that proof. Do your actions resonate with your words? Does your character match your public persona? Do you care for yourself as genuinely as you do for others?

Can you achieve success without downplaying the support you’ve received along the way?

Take Action: Transform Your Life Locally

Want to make a difference in people’s lives? Start locally. Focus on your own life. Sign up for that yoga class or go for a run. Learn a new language. Apply for that dream job and rejoice when you negotiate a higher salary. Invest in your future.

Then, extend your kindness to your community. Listen to friends, support family, and contribute where you can. Perhaps even run for local office.

This message serves as much as a reminder for me as it does for you. Yes, I’m doing well right now. But I’m also aware that circumstances can shift unexpectedly.

I’ve experienced both sides of the spectrum: the hopeful, ambitious youth and the disenchanted, cynical adult. I acknowledge my past mistakes.

Maybe I’m neither of those personas now. (I hope so.) Maybe I’m evolving into someone else. And I understand that I won’t be this version of myself forever. The world will change, life will change, and I will too. Someday — perhaps even today — I’ll have new insights to share. I don’t claim to have all the answers; just plenty of ideas.

Still, I can improve; I can strive for betterment; I can evolve. This holds true for you as well as for everyone you place your trust in.

After all, you seek insight not because it’s groundbreaking — most wisdom is not new — but because something about it resonates deeply with you.

This essay isn’t merely about revealing the con. (Though it does contain elements of truth.) It’s meant to show you that even amidst the deception, there exists something genuine. Something within you longs to emerge and play. Allow it to shine.

Don’t delay or endlessly consume content. Time passes quickly, and if you hesitate to take risks or pursue your passions, the potential within you may never flourish. Time is fleeting, and you cannot steer a parked vehicle, but as long as you keep moving, you can always change course.

Just take action. No, you may never find a singular purpose, but at least you won’t have wasted your time searching.

If you genuinely want to uncover your purpose, it’s simpler than you might think. Ready?

Look back. Reflect on who you’ve inspired and what has blossomed in your wake. Your purpose was the journey you traversed all along.

See? I told you I’d reveal the ruse.

Chapter 2: Seeking Clarity Through Reflection

This TEDx talk by Ra James discusses the reasons behind the struggle to find one’s purpose and how to navigate this often confusing path.

Chapter 3: Empowering Questions for Self-Discovery

In this enlightening TEDx talk, Tyler Cerny presents three impactful questions that can guide you toward discovering your life's true purpose.