Chapter 1: The Awakening

Once, a friend labeled me as 'selfish,' a comment that left me stunned. This wasn't during an argument; rather, it occurred during a routine questioning session, and it has lingered in my mind ever since.

As a student leader in college, I was involved in the selection of new leaders to take over from the outgoing ones. In my third year, I was preparing to continue my role as a leader. The selection process lasted two to three weeks and was quite intensive.

The final stage involved a thorough vetting by a panel. As a core leader, I had the privilege of evaluating all candidates. After weeks of assessments, we focused on core executives who were not graduating. There were three of us in this final round, meaning that each of us would be scrutinized by our peers.

When it was my turn, my friend was the first to pose a question.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your performance as a leader?

I had anticipated this question. As I sat there, all eyes were on me, eager to hear my answer.

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Before I delve into my answer, let me provide some context. Being a student leader was a challenging endeavor. Balancing academic responsibilities alongside leadership duties was no easy feat, and many struggled to manage both effectively.

That year, I faced additional challenges. A close relative fell seriously ill, placing significant financial strain on my family. Consequently, I had to find a way to support myself without accruing college debt. Luckily, I had started a freelance writing business, which provided some financial relief.

Though family friends helped with part of my tuition, I still needed to cover the remainder to sit for my finals, despite being a top student. Freelance income was inconsistent, making it nearly impossible to settle my fees. After exhausting scholarship opportunities, I opted to write to the Dean of Students, who graciously assisted with the outstanding amount.

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After all these hurdles, I was juggling my academic work, responsibilities as a student leader, and my freelance writing. Each aspect of my life was demanding, pulling me in different directions.

Now, back to the question my friend posed. I pondered my performance and ultimately rated myself a 7 out of 10. I explained that while I had done my best, there were moments when I struggled to keep up.

The panel noted that I had not always performed at my peak. This was not intentional; I was simply overwhelmed by my responsibilities. There were times when I submitted paperwork late or made mistakes that required corrections. Yet, I persisted, believing it was my duty to handle it all alone.

Then my friend asked, “Why didn’t you seek help when things became too much?”

I paused, taken aback. I had never considered reaching out to others; I assumed they were equally occupied. Asking for help felt like shirking my responsibilities.

Her next remark struck me: “That’s quite selfish of you.”

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I was taken aback. How could she call me selfish? The definition of 'selfish' indicates a lack of consideration for others while focusing solely on one's own gain or pleasure. I felt it was unfair to label my actions in such a way.

As the questioning continued, I couldn’t shake her comment from my mind. Trying to understand, I reflected on the term 'selfish.' It dawned on me that the word is centered around 'self.' While the dictionary emphasizes personal gain, it also suggests that neglecting to involve others in our struggles can be selfish.

In my case, I believed I needed to handle everything solo, regardless of how difficult it became. I assumed that others were too busy to assist, leading me to suffer in silence.

This experience taught me that people are often willing to help if only we ask. It's essential to differentiate between seeking help and irresponsibly offloading one's duties onto others. There are times when the burdens we carry become too heavy, and reaching out for support can be vital.

Though my friend and I never revisited that conversation, it left a lasting impression. I've learned the importance of knowing when to ask for assistance.

Photo by Nsey Benajah on Unsplash

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