Chapter 1: The Struggles of Aging

In my previous post, I expressed my apprehension about the aging process. I found myself consumed by regret over past choices: Why didn’t I establish a gym routine in my twenties? Why did I indulge in takeout instead of opting for healthier meals when I first began my relationship? Why didn’t I prioritize a solid skincare regimen a decade ago? The list of missed opportunities feels endless.

Until recently, the concept of growing older didn’t trouble me much. I used to believe I would "age gracefully," but I must admit, that notion has become increasingly unclear. While I don’t oppose cosmetic procedures like Botox or surgery—many people I know who have undergone these treatments look stunning—I am apprehensive about their long-term implications. If I started, would I be able to stop?

Seeing celebrities transform to the point where they appear unrecognizable is unsettling. Yet, as I reflect on my own past photographs, I realize I am no longer the person I once was.

Take this image from 2009, for instance.

When I see this photo, my immediate thoughts are often negative—“I’ve really let myself go” or “I wish I still looked like that.” At 28, I felt free to wear whatever I liked; my hair seemed to fall perfectly, and my skin was relatively clear, despite my late nights and partying.

However, the truth behind that snapshot is far from glamorous. I was surviving on just four hours of sleep each night, trapped in a toxic relationship, drinking daily, and doing everything I could to escape the harshness of reality.

Outwardly, I may have appeared to be at my peak, but inside, I was struggling. I lacked purpose, drifting aimlessly from one night out to the next, with the hours in between a blurry haze. I was numbing my pain with alcohol, constantly avoiding returning home where I would be left alone with my thoughts—something I couldn’t bear.

Thus, while I might yearn for the appearance of that younger woman, I have no desire to relive her life. I aspire to be healthier and to improve my skin, but I want these goals to come without sacrificing my happiness.

Now, I wake up each day with anticipation rather than merely living for the next night out. I recognize the value of experiencing all emotions, both positive and negative, and I often learn valuable lessons from them. I enjoy life beyond just the weekends.

I understand that I may never look like I did back then, and that’s perfectly fine. It doesn’t mean I should abandon my aspirations for self-improvement. Last week, I took a step towards enhancing my skincare routine, and my next focus will be on nutrition and healthy eating. I want to care for myself holistically, both inside and out.

Chapter 2: Seeking Perspectives on Self-Image

To further explore these themes, I found two videos that resonate with my reflections.

The first video titled "Photographers Rate My Purposely Bad Pictures" offers a humorous take on self-image and perception.

The second video, "Brutally Honest Photography Critique," provides an unfiltered look at how we perceive ourselves versus how others see us.