WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

I hope you’ll get accustomed to my writing style, as it can be a bit unconventional. What I mean is, I finally stopped going through life on autopilot, allowing myself to be swept along by the ups and downs.

For much of my life, I strived to be the ideal version of myself, often based on what I thought others expected. I was respectful, driven in my studies, and filled with compassion. I had a decent circle of friends, led the school military band, excelled in soccer, and generally performed well academically. Yet, I viewed this as merely fulfilling my role, failing to acknowledge the anxiety that was brewing inside me, which I attributed to my introverted nature.

Choosing to pursue medicine was a decision I made independently. I was a first responder at a tragic accident and vowed to gain the skills needed to prevent such failures in the future. Consequently, I dedicated myself to achieving a near-perfect GPA, crafting a compelling application, acing the MCAT, and impressing interview panels to gain admission to medical school.

Upon graduating as a physician, I was thrust into the intense and demanding world of hospitals, where my anxiety spiraled into depression. The isolation brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic only exacerbated my struggles, leading me to burnout.

Each day, I found myself crying on my way to work, unable to sleep or eat properly, and neglecting breaks. I returned home feeling drained and defeated, losing touch with family and friends. At that point, I found myself devoid of care—no longer invested in my patients or my own well-being. I felt like an impostor.

Life had given me a taste of free fall—an exhilarating yet terrifying sensation that came crashing down, leaving me to question my very identity. My entire purpose over the past decade had revolved around being a doctor, and it felt like everything I built had collapsed.

Solving Imposter Syndrome in Physicians

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Family and friends were understandably concerned about my well-being. Initially, it was challenging to articulate my struggles. It took me years to accept the need to step away to safeguard my mental health, with Aly playing a crucial role in that realization.

Everyone around me hoped I would return to the familiar path of being a doctor. While it’s a stable career that promises a decent income, I hadn’t yet rediscovered my drive or purpose. However, upon learning about our impending parenthood, something shifted within me. I knew I had to become a better version of myself for the sake of my child.

This realization has filled me with renewed energy and inspiration. I am ready to break free from the confines of others’ expectations. Yes, I’m still a doctor, but I aspire to be more.

Right now, I’m committed to being a writer. I want to connect with others who share similar experiences and remind them they are not alone. Additionally, I aim to document my journey of personal growth.

If you’ve followed my ramblings this far, you might be surprised to learn that this piece isn’t really about rollercoasters. While I’m not an expert on them, I did find the research quite fascinating. This is merely a glimpse into my life experiences.

If you’re curious whether my upcoming stories will be as heart-wrenching as a rollercoaster ride, the answer is yes. Will they be any less chaotic? Perhaps not. But I promise to bring comfort and build a supportive community along the way.

I’m not a writing expert, nor have I figured everything out. Perhaps I never will. However, I embrace my experiences and hope to help others do the same.

As I once thought, “You are not merely the sum of your experiences. You are the product of your experiences.” — Nic Rafael, 2024.

You are a culmination of everything you’ve thought, felt, and lived through. Every experience, positive or negative, matters. And remember, two negatives can indeed result in a positive.

If you enjoyed this brief account and wish to follow my journey, I plan to write on:

• The experiences of being a first-time dad
• Mental health, focusing on overcoming burnout and anxiety
• Self-care and self-improvement in various life aspects
• Notion & Productivity—my passion for organizing and managing life

I’m stepping off the rollercoaster, and if you’re interested, you can join me. This time, we’ll choose which ride to take next.

Thank you for reading this far; your support means a lot. I would love to hear your story—who you are, any similar experiences, and where you are now.

And just for fun, what’s the best rollercoaster you’ve ever ridden? If you think my story could help someone, please share it! Follow me on Medium for more stories, or catch snippets on Instagram or X (Twitter). I’m excited to build a supportive community focused on mental health and first-time fatherhood.