How It All Began

For years, I had taken on minor projects for a family member (referred to as FM for anonymity) who co-owned a business needing software engineering help. My motivation wasn't just financial; I genuinely wanted them to succeed, and thankfully, they recognized my intentions. In hindsight, approaching this more formally might have created clearer boundaries.

Eventually, an opportunity for additional income arose. After discussions, FM, another relative, and I decided to collaborate on a substantial project for a lucrative client.

Our initial step was to clarify our roles. Although we had never worked together in this capacity, we were seasoned professionals ready to make it work. FM would manage client communication and contribute to application development, while I would handle most of the coding and client interaction. The third team member would focus on UX and UI design.

Everything seemed ideal at first, and the client was pleased with our performance.

Emerging Issues

However, after about a month, subtle signs indicated something was amiss with FM. Their responses to the client became sluggish, and their coding contributions dwindled. These were significant red flags, but initially, we didn't think much of them. Frustration grew as FM became less reachable, yet the project was still progressing. I began to shoulder more client management tasks because our priority was ensuring client satisfaction and financial success.

After a few weeks of decline, we confronted FM about our concerns. Being family, we felt ethically compelled to be patient. Unfortunately, FM's excuses became increasingly implausible, leading to further frustration. It became evident that personal issues were affecting both their contributions and their co-owned business. Geographic distance made direct confrontation challenging, and the inconsistency in FM's communication exacerbated the situation, causing client frustration to mount. Our project timeline had been structured around three contributors, so losing a third of our team, especially one responsible for client communications, was a significant setback. The pressure kept intensifying.

The Regret Sets In

By this point, our timelines were severely disrupted, and understandably, the client was upset. I had to explain that FM had effectively distanced themselves from the project without proper communication. Fortunately, the client was sympathetic but nonetheless incurred losses in time and money. We ultimately agreed to cut our losses, but FM largely ignored our attempts to reach out.

Without delving too deeply into personal matters, it was clear that FM had found themselves in a situation that typically requires family support to resolve. We offered assistance, but their stubbornness and ongoing absence during the project led to a toxic mix of anger and hurt. Trust and patience eroded rapidly, ultimately vanishing.

The Final Outcome

FM and I no longer communicate or acknowledge each other. This experience shattered a decades-long close relationship. Though I’m not sentimental and have moved on, I often find myself questioning whether I could have acted differently. While I recognize the missteps on their part, it’s crucial to focus on what is within our control for personal growth.

Beyond simply facing a challenging situation, I realized that our familial ties significantly influenced the fallout. While a similar scenario with a friend could also lead to a broken relationship, the emotional impact of losing a family connection feels much more profound.

Had we navigated that difficult time without the business aspect, perhaps we could have salvaged some parts of our relationship. However, with family—like any relationship—unexpected challenges can arise. In a typical relationship, you might find ways to resolve issues, but business and financial matters often complicate things to the point of irrevocable change.

When entering a business partnership with family (or friends), it's vital to acknowledge the inherent risks that extend beyond financial loss. In my case, our project was a significant factor in the collapse of our relationship. I hope others can learn from my experience to avoid similar pitfalls.

The first video titled "This Relationship is Destroying Your Family" discusses the consequences of mixing business with personal relationships, emphasizing how such entanglements can lead to familial discord.

The second video "r/AITA | I Quit The Family Business For Not Considering Me And Now They're Going Under" explores the emotional fallout of stepping away from a family business, highlighting the complexities of familial obligations and personal aspirations.