Finding Your Core Values: A Path to Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
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Chapter 1: Understanding Core Values
Narcissists lack genuine personal core values. If you've ever been involved with one, you may have observed their moral compass resembles that of a stray cat (apologies to stray cats!). In this discussion, we will delve into the concept of 'core values,' why narcissists don't have them, and why fixating on overlooked warning signs is futile. Once you identify your core values, you'll be empowered to recognize when your values clash with those around you, prompting you to distance yourself from toxic relationships—this is the only red flag worth noting.
What are Personal Core Values?
Personal values are the foundational beliefs that guide our judgments of right and wrong. They encompass principles like integrity versus deceit and diligence versus laziness. Each individual has a unique hierarchy of these values, which shapes their journey through life. Personal values profoundly affect your behavior, relationships, and daily choices. They serve as a compass for significant decision-making, influence your growth, and impact your career trajectory.
Each person holds a distinctive set of core values that define their values system. Recognizing what is essential to you can help align your actions with your true self. This clarity enables you to eliminate toxic relationships, work environments, or situations that might jeopardize your mental health. Engaging in activities or with individuals that resonate with your core values can alleviate feelings of depression and anxiety, fostering overall mental wellness. Understanding your core values equips you with the means to steer clear of those who do not share your fundamental beliefs.
The Purpose of Personal Core Values
Your core values are integral to your identity, shaping you into your authentic self and providing a sense of purpose. They drive your personality, ambition, and life choices. Recognizing your values enhances your self-awareness, enabling you to communicate your needs, establish boundaries, and cultivate relationships that respect your self-worth.
Identifying Your Core Values
You may already have a sense of your core values, but if you’re uncertain, consider these steps to clarify them. Here are my top five personal core values, along with the reasons they hold significance for me:
- Loyalty: I am fiercely loyal to those I love and care for, never betraying their trust or confidence.
- Authenticity: Living my truth as an openly lesbian woman, I value honesty and despise deceit.
- Self-Awareness: Recognizing my flaws and being accountable for my actions is crucial for personal growth.
- Understanding: I strive to comprehend others’ circumstances, even when empathy is challenging.
- Humor: A sense of humor is vital in my life, helping me navigate dark times and connect with others.
To discover your own top five core values, begin by listing what matters most to you. It could range from independence to beauty. After creating your list, analyze each value's importance and whether you can live without it. Reflect on your past experiences—what actions from others have caused you distress or anger? This process will help you narrow down your values to a core set that defines who you are.
Why Narcissists Lack Core Values
Narcissists often lack core values because they possess minimal emotional intelligence and struggle with self-reflection. Their values are typically self-serving, focusing on superficial attributes like appearance, wealth, and social status. Unlike those with genuine core values, narcissists may only mirror the values of those they seek to manipulate.
The first video titled "Understanding Your Core Values" explores how recognizing your values can strengthen your sense of self and help you avoid toxic relationships. It highlights the importance of self-awareness in personal growth.
Putting Core Values into Action
Examine your list of core values in relation to individuals in your life, especially those exhibiting narcissistic traits. You'll likely find they do not share your values. By establishing boundaries based on your core beliefs, you can protect yourself from future harm. Trusting your values will guide you toward healthier relationships, allowing you to recognize when someone is not aligned with your principles.
The second video titled "CORE WORK to Help You HEAL from Narcissistic Relationships" provides insights into how identifying and adhering to your core values can foster healing and resilience in the aftermath of narcissistic abuse.
Conclusion
I hope this article serves as a helpful guide on your journey toward recovery and a life free from narcissistic influence. By understanding core values and prioritizing self-awareness, we can empower ourselves and support others in recognizing and escaping toxic dynamics. Educating ourselves about narcissistic behavior is essential in preventing future trauma and fostering healthier relationships.