Your True Needs and Kindness

For me, this journey has indeed led to incorporating more tranquility and gentleness into my daily routine. I require regular intervals of peace, as I can easily become overwhelmed by a world that is too loud, too fast, and too hectic. Simply preparing to leave the house on time can send me into a whirlwind of anxiety. Juggling my cat’s incessant demands for attention while cooking can further fray my already delicate nerves.

Identifying as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), I process information more deeply, need to sidestep overstimulation, notice subtleties others might miss, and feel emotions more intensely. It’s vital to acknowledge and embrace your true needs for your overall well-being.

I suspect my brain and nervous system function differently than most, a realization that has encouraged greater self-kindness and acceptance in my life. While I’ve often discussed stress management and slow living, I’ve struggled with the tension between my drive to accomplish tasks and my nervous system’s desire to remain busy.

Now, those two themes have harmonized with a newfound acceptance of my body and mind as they are. It feels liberating to replace superficial stress relief strategies with a more compassionate, needs-focused lifestyle.

Video Description: This video offers a framework to understand and meet your wants and needs, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness in personal growth.

Getting to Know Your True Needs

As odd as it may seem, we often lack clarity about our true needs. We can become so intertwined with others that we neglect our own desires. For instance, we might find ourselves mirroring our partner’s preferences, attending events we wouldn’t choose independently, or working tirelessly to meet a demanding boss’s expectations, ultimately sacrificing our own need for rest.

Does this resonate with you? I understand the struggle of suppressing one’s needs. They would occasionally surface, only for me to shove them back down, patching the small rips with temporary fixes. I didn’t want to be the person who craved absolute silence, needed specific food arrangements, or cried at the slightest provocation. This led to significant shame, and it took me considerable time to recognize and vocalize my true needs.

What are your authentic needs? If you’re uncertain, consider using Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs” as a guide. Proposed by the American psychologist in 1943, this framework has been widely referenced, particularly regarding motivation.

Set aside some quiet time to contemplate your genuine needs. Examine each level of the pyramid and ask yourself:

• What do I personally need at each level?
• Are those needs currently being met?
• If not, what obstacles stand in my way?

Avoid feeling confined by labels. Personalize each level to reflect your situation. For me, quiet is a fundamental need; excessive noise drains me and can become intolerable.

If you’ve neglected your needs, don’t berate yourself. I’ve done the same by skipping meals to be more productive, ignoring my discomfort from the cold, and sacrificing sleep to meet deadlines. Yet, this is your opportunity to acknowledge your genuine needs, which can lead to transformative changes in your life.

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." — Maya Angelou

Fulfilling Your True Needs

Once you identify a true need, the next step is to address it. Start small and gradually build up.

Here’s how I initiated this process: I began to keep a running tally of stressful moments in my life. When I encountered one, I’d ask, “How can I ease this situation for myself?”

For example:

• Allow an extra fifteen minutes for my morning routine. If I arrive early, I can take a moment to relax and enjoy the scenery, rather than rushing.
• Prepare meals earlier in the day. This way, when my cat demands some attention, I can happily oblige without juggling multiple tasks.
• Space out errands throughout the week instead of trying to complete them all in one exhausting afternoon.

While this may seem like generic stress management advice, it’s a tailored approach. It originates from a deep understanding of how my mind and body operate, accepting my true needs, and adjusting my lifestyle accordingly.

You might require more stimulation rather than less, and that’s perfectly fine. Only you can discern what you genuinely need.

Concluding Thoughts

Embracing and fulfilling your true needs takes courage and dedication. If you neglect your own needs, who will address them for you? Without acknowledging your true needs, you risk a lifetime of misdirection, potential regret, illness, or burnout.

This isn’t meant to sound alarmist, but it’s important to recognize that our choices carry consequences. Will you prioritize your true needs, or will you continue to focus on the needs of others at the expense of your own?

For further inspiration, consider subscribing to my bi-monthly Wild Arisings newsletter, where you’ll gain access to free self-discovery resources.

You might also enjoy:

Why It’s Hard to Choose Real Happiness

Explore the two types of happiness and discover how to choose the one that truly fulfills you.

Video Description: This video focuses on identifying our needs, highlighting the importance of self-awareness in achieving personal fulfillment.