Chapter 1: My Musical Journey

Those familiar with my story know that I embarked on my musical journey as a self-taught musician in 2013, transitioning to formal lessons in 2017. Now, five years later, I am studying music full-time at a local art college, fueled by my aspiration to become a pianist—whether for personal satisfaction or professional ambition.

Many of my college peers had over a decade of experience before they began their formal education, which has often left me feeling insecure about my abilities. This lack of confidence has made my learning process difficult, exacerbated by performance anxiety and a persistent sense of impostor syndrome.

Fortunately, I have been blessed with supportive classmates who foster a positive environment, and while most of my instructors are encouraging, there’s always one who stands out for being less so—though that’s to be expected in any learning environment.

There were moments when I considered quitting school, overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy. Although I never failed a class, the pressure to meet high expectations led to burnout. I often remind myself that grades do not necessarily reflect true musical ability. One can excel in exams yet lack the skill to interpret or perform music effectively.

My college provides numerous job and internship opportunities, both from within the institution and external organizations. Despite being a classical performance major aspiring to be a professional pianist, I found myself hesitant to apply for any positions. Thoughts like “Someone with more experience is far better suited” or “The organizers would want a more accomplished pianist” echoed in my mind.

Before starting this course, I felt the same lack of confidence. I doubted my qualifications and my ability to pass auditions, despite having nurtured my dream of becoming a full-time pianist since 2017. With only three years of lessons under my belt, I questioned whether anyone could truly become a professional musician in such a short time. Isn’t a decade or more the typical requirement?

Miraculously, I passed the audition and got accepted, yet the feeling of being an impostor lingers. I often think my acceptance was a mistake or that I’m merely here to balance out more skilled peers. Despite reassurances that my background—starting self-taught and transitioning to formal training—meant I deserved to be in the same classroom, I still felt I didn’t belong.

Deep down, I realized I simply wasn't ready to take on the professional opportunities that came my way. I required more time to refine my skills and learn the repertoire expected at a professional level.

Instead, I pursued diverse interests, such as music composition, writing, and podcasting, which provided fulfilling experiences but were not aligned with my dream of being a professional pianist. I even considered other careers, like film composing or journalism, avoiding the daunting reality of performing due to my stage fright.

However, I was mistaken about many things. A recent experience with film composition led me back to my original passion. After reapplying to my current college, I prepared for an audition in just two months and secured a spot—hopefully graduating next year if everything goes well.

While exploring journalism and podcasting had its merits, it didn’t bring me the joy I sought. Whenever I thought of leaving my current course, none of the alternatives seemed as appealing, and I knew I would regret abandoning my progress toward my dream.

Two weeks ago, something changed. My school circulated opportunities for gigs, including one where a pianist was needed to provide live music for waltz dancers. This opportunity reignited my interest in combining my love for music and dance—dance accompaniment.

Despite feeling unprepared, I decided to take the plunge. After mustering courage, I reached out to the coordinator, seeking additional details. To my surprise, I found myself typing "yes" when asked if I was interested, and just like that, I secured the gig—no audition required.

Panic set in as I worried about my performance skills and the possibility of disappointing my audience. However, my friend reassured me that the requirements were manageable and encouraged me to embrace the opportunity.

Reflecting on my anxieties, I recognized them as self-limiting beliefs that had held me back from pursuing my dream of being a professional pianist. I felt proud of myself for finally seizing this opportunity, realizing it was time to focus on my true aspirations.

This gig arose during a particularly challenging week when I had been doubting my capabilities, especially in regard to teaching. I compiled a list of piano-related achievements, big and small, to remind myself of my progress during moments of self-doubt.

I dedicated last week to preparing solely for this gig, temporarily putting aside my schoolwork. My goal was simply to prove to myself that I could manage this opportunity without being fired.

The performance day arrived, and despite my anxiety, I managed to get through it after a brief break. While it wasn’t perfect, the audience seemed satisfied, and I didn’t get fired—a significant confidence booster.

I learned that I don’t need to be the top-tier pianist to pursue opportunities. There are roles available for musicians at various skill levels, and being “good enough” is often sufficient. My perceived mediocrity doesn’t equate to worthlessness; it simply means I can still contribute.

Recently, I watched a thought-provoking video featuring an accomplished musician who discussed the societal structure as a pyramid. At the base are music lovers, while the elite occupy the top. Different levels require different skills, allowing for diverse career paths without needing to be at the pinnacle to find fulfilling work.

I realized that I had been overly perfectionistic about my music career, hesitating to pursue my dreams while readily engaging in less daunting ventures. An analogy my friend shared resonated with me: when you’re hungry, you can eat cake, but after one slice, you might not want another. The starting point and motivation matter.

I’ve come to understand that I denied myself the very dream I desire, opting for seemingly easier pursuits. Yet, I’ve learned that becoming proficient in any field requires effort, and I’m willing to put in the work.

Through this experience, I recognized several key insights:

1. Self-limiting beliefs can hinder progress: I’ve allowed my doubts to hold me back for far too long.
2. Exploration is valuable: While it’s important to pursue interests outside my main goal, I shouldn’t neglect my primary passion.
3. Opportunities exist at all skill levels: I may not be the pianist I aspire to be yet, but that doesn’t diminish my value or capabilities.
4. Reframing mindset: Instead of focusing on the challenges ahead, I can view the abundance of learning opportunities as exciting and encouraging.
5. Questioning common beliefs: The notion that “those who can’t do, teach” deserves scrutiny. How can one effectively teach without experience?

I’ve often sought out roles with glamorous titles, but I realize that wanting more isn’t inherently wrong—it’s the motivations behind those desires that matter. I can enjoy diverse interests outside of work without feeling pressured to merge them all into one job.

I’m now envisioning a future where I can accompany both musicians and dancers while pursuing my dream of being a professional pianist. Teaching remains a part of my journey, but I’m also excited to explore other avenues I’ve previously limited myself from.

With hard work and determination, I’ll continue to grow, even if my current skills aren’t where I want them to be. This journey has been a reminder that progress is possible, and I’m committed to pursuing my true passions.

The first video titled "Eradicate ALL Self Limiting Beliefs (HIJACK Your Self Awareness!)" serves as a powerful reminder about recognizing and overcoming self-limiting beliefs. It discusses practical strategies for enhancing self-awareness and taking actionable steps toward personal growth.

The second video, "Overcome Your Limiting Beliefs By REPROGRAMMING Your Mind | Mel Robbins," offers insights into transforming your mindset and breaking free from the chains of self-doubt. Mel Robbins presents techniques for reprogramming your thoughts and empowering yourself to achieve your dreams.

Chapter 2: Embracing Opportunities

As I reflect on my journey, I realize how crucial it is to embrace every opportunity that comes my way. Each experience, whether challenging or rewarding, contributes to my growth as a musician and as an individual.

I invite you to join me on this path of self-discovery and exploration, where the possibilities are endless, and every step brings me closer to my dreams.

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