How Did We Get So Off Course Regarding Love?

Our perceptions of love are shaped by family, friends, and the media. Many of us mistakenly believe our self-worth stems from receiving love, rather than giving it and nurturing self-love. It's like trying to fill our cups from someone else's empty vessel and wondering why we still feel thirsty!

Let’s take a critical look at my friend Emma, who is lost in a fantasy world of ideal romances and gallant heroes, always striving to be “Ms. Perfect.” When her dates don’t go as planned, she’s devastated, convinced that the fault lies with her. She then goes off on a rant about how much she despises men and that being single is the best—does this sound familiar?

Every relationship carries its own energy; it can either be thriving in love or sinking into codependency. If you find yourself always helping and saving others while expecting love in return, you’re likely attracting “users.” On the other hand, if you're terrified of losing your identity, you may find yourself drawn to the “emotionally unavailable.” It’s a toxic tango where both partners end up stepping on each other's toes!

Remember that “situationship” between Jake and Chrissy? They were drawn together by shared wounds from previous infidelities, mistaking it for love. Sure, the chemistry was electric, and their trips to Paris, Prague, and Costa Rica were unforgettable, but if only we could have eavesdropped on their dysfunctional dance from dinner dates to getaways, we’d see how it only deepened their wounds.

We’ve all played the roles of Jake and Chrissy at some point (well, most of us). However, we don’t have to be completely healed to find love. Relationships serve as a yoga class for the soul—stretching, twisting, and challenging us while revealing our true selves. Yet, genuine growth occurs only when both individuals are willing.

To draw in a partner filled with love and kindness, you must also radiate that same energy. You need to be the beacon of inspiration and affection. It’s crucial to work on your inner dialogue, allowing you to trust yourself and your instincts. You should be able to identify within moments whether someone is ‘The One’ or ‘The One Who Needs to Leave’; even in the absence of other options, you should find comfort in solitude.

If the thought of being alone is unbearable, you can bet that you’ll likely spend the coming years in disappointing relationships, leading to more premature gray hairs. If we fail to heed our inner voice and become clouded by unrealistic expectations after just one date—like many delusional women who think of marriage—we end up blaming ourselves for every wrong turn and dead end.

Trusting in yourself is vital when choosing a life partner. Ignoring your inner voice sets the stage for heartache, stress, and skin troubles.

Be the Love You Want to Attract!

I embrace self-love so fiercely that it becomes infectious, drawing my partner closer. Become the kind, compassionate, and available partner that you seek. Discern who is open to love and growth. Trust your energy, instincts, and beliefs. Do you believe you deserve love? Have you been repeating mantras like “men are terrible” or “women are insane”?

Why not start fresh with a new mantra? You don’t have to fully believe it right away; it just needs to sound nicer!

Here are some of my affirmations:

“I love men, and men love me,” “I am beautiful and attractive people are drawn to me,” “I am lovable, so my date will cherish our time together,” and “I love him for who he is; he’s perfect, and he appreciates me as I am, recognizing my perfection.”

Remember, you are not destined for solitude. Break free from your fears and negative cycles, and start crafting your own happily ever after!

So, the next time you’re on a date, visualize yourself glowing with light and power. You’re not there to seek validation; you’re there to share the radiant, loving YOU! And who knows? You might just meet someone as extraordinary as yourself. But if not, that’s perfectly fine too!

Keep shining bright, trust the journey, and embrace love for yourself and all beings! This path is a journey, not a race.

Thank you for reading!

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