Chapter 1: What Is Disconfirming Evidence?

Recently, I tuned into a podcast featuring Mark Groves, where he and his guest delved into the concept of healing attachment styles through what was termed "disconfirming evidence." So, what exactly does disconfirming evidence mean?

Disconfirming evidence refers to experiences that contradict our preconceived notions of how we should act or what we should feel. For instance, someone with an anxious attachment style, who typically seeks reassurance from others, may find that practicing self-care and self-soothing offers a much-needed alternative when the impulse to reach out arises. This act may feel counterintuitive, yet it serves to reshape our beliefs about our capabilities.

Let’s explore this idea further.

Section 1.1: The Role of Beliefs in Our Actions

James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, famously stated, "If you believe anything about yourself, you will have evidence to support it." This resonates deeply with me, as it emphasizes how our beliefs are often reinforced by the evidence we gather, often subconsciously.

For example, I consider myself a writer, and the 250 articles I've penned on Medium provide ample proof of that identity. Conversely, I have experienced low self-esteem, shaped by past events and my interpretations of them.

If you identify with an anxious attachment style, your beliefs may stem from the anxiety you feel in moments of distance from your partner, prompting actions that reinforce this anxiety. Without these behaviors, would you still label yourself as anxiously attached? Likely not.

Our identities are shaped by a collection of experiences and deeply held beliefs. The more we act in line with these beliefs, the stronger they become, forming the basis for both negative perceptions and potential pathways for change.

Subsection 1.1.1: Engaging with Disconfirming Experiences

Disconfirming evidence arises when we step outside our usual patterns. It's about self-soothing when our instinct is to seek comfort from others, or reaching out when we typically withdraw. It's confronting anxiety head-on and voicing thoughts instead of remaining silent. These actions often feel uncomfortable because they challenge the limiting beliefs we've internalized.

Initially, these changes may not yield pleasant feelings. Many of our “bad habits” exist because they offer immediate relief. When we begin acting contrary to our established beliefs, discomfort is often the first response. Yet, this is where the opportunity for transformation lies. By embracing this temporary discomfort, we can cultivate new beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities.

Chapter 2: The Courage to Grow

The first video explores the significance of disconfirming evidence in financial planning, showcasing how it can help challenge preconceived notions and lead to better decision-making.

The journey toward growth requires courage. While it’s easier said than done to "step into the unknown," the belief in our own bravery stems from past acts of courage. Those with anxiety often struggle to venture outside their comfort zones due to a lack of supportive evidence.

Like a train gaining momentum, collecting disconfirming experiences strengthens our resolve to pursue more. The initial steps may be uncomfortable, but with repetition, they will become second nature.

This past year, I worked on my self-confidence by creating YouTube videos. Initially, the experience was daunting, but over time, I grew more comfortable with how I presented myself. Such experiences contribute to our character development. Nowadays, when I feel discomfort, I recognize it as a signal that my actions and beliefs may be misaligned.

If we avoid challenging our beliefs, we risk being governed by them.

In the second video, the concept of confirmation bias is discussed, illustrating how our beliefs can skew our perception and decision-making processes.

Thank you for taking the time to read this article. If you found it insightful, I would appreciate a few claps. Meanwhile, feel free to explore related articles below.