Identifying the Signs of Sabotage

If you're uncertain whether your partner is stifling your success, here are seven telltale signs to consider.

1. Withholding Support

A frequent strategy employed by covert narcissists is to withhold support, which damages their partner's self-esteem and self-worth. This can manifest in various ways, such as neglecting to celebrate achievements, minimizing successes, or outright ignoring accomplishments.

Covert narcissists may also withhold emotional support like affection and empathy, leaving their partner feeling isolated. For instance, if a partner expresses feelings of sadness or frustration, the covert narcissist may dismiss these emotions, minimizing their importance or diverting the conversation.

The consequences can be particularly harmful, leading the partner to doubt their own feelings and perceptions, and questioning whether they are being overly sensitive.

2. Control

Control is another common tactic used to establish dominance in a relationship. Covert narcissists may attempt to dictate their partner's actions and choices under the guise of concern.

3. Monitoring

Covert narcissists often engage in monitoring behaviors, such as tracking their partner's phone or computer use, scrutinizing social media, or persistently asking about their whereabouts. This invasive behavior aims to keep the partner under constant observation and limit their independence.

4. Restricting Social Interactions

These individuals might also attempt to limit their partner's social life, discouraging time spent with friends or family, or insisting on accompanying them to social gatherings. By isolating their partner, they enhance their control and decrease exposure to diverse perspectives.

5. Enforcing Rigid Rules or Routines

Covert narcissists may impose strict routines or rules on their partner, controlling schedules, leisure activities, or even dietary choices, all to assert dominance and limit freedom.

6. Exhibiting Passive-Aggressive Behavior

Passive-aggressiveness is a typical tactic that covert narcissists employ to chip away at their partner's confidence. This indirect expression of negative feelings complicates open communication and can leave the partner uncertain about the underlying issues.

Examples include the silent treatment, sarcastic remarks, or withholding affection. For instance, after a disagreement, a covert narcissist might refuse to engage in conversation for days, opting instead for indirect expressions of displeasure that erode self-esteem over time.

This behavior fosters a tense atmosphere, making the partner feel as though they are constantly on edge, unsure of when or how their partner will react.

7. Cheating and Blame-Shifting

Covert narcissists often cheat and then shift the blame onto their partner, manipulating them further. They may engage in emotional infidelity or seek validation from others while attempting to conceal their actions.

When infidelity comes to light, they might insinuate that their partner is at fault for unmet needs or expectations, instilling guilt and shame. This dynamic can make the partner feel responsible for the betrayal and increase their dependency on the narcissist.

Recognizing that cheating and blame-shifting are unhealthy behaviors is crucial. If you find yourself in such a relationship, seeking support from a therapist can be instrumental. A professional can assist in establishing healthy boundaries, coping mechanisms, and rebuilding self-esteem.

A Quick Note

Have you been grappling with the aftermath of narcissistic abuse? Do you feel like you've lost your identity amidst someone else's ego? You're not alone. As a psychotherapist, I specialize in guiding individuals affected by narcissism toward healing and empowerment. Together, we can mend the wounds of the past, helping you reclaim your self-worth and confidence.

Please share your thoughts in the comments, and if you found this content helpful, give it a clap. Your feedback guides my writing! Take care!

Sherile Turner-Myles, co-author of The Psychologist and Her Narcissists: A Guide to Surviving Toxic Relationships