Rebuilding Confidence: Overcoming Self-Doubt with Four Practices
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Recognizing Self-Doubt
Self-doubt can significantly impact our lives, but it’s essential to identify it and implement strategies to regain confidence when it falters.
After returning to the Netherlands eight months ago, I noticed a positive shift in my confidence. My faith in myself, others, and the world around me has flourished. This renewal felt organic and revitalizing, akin to a parched river regaining its flow.
However, just last week, I experienced a dip in my confidence. It was as if a log had obstructed the river, causing the once steady current to slow. The signs of my self-doubt became evident.
Signs of Self-Doubt
When I start doubting myself, I tend to seek external validation. As social beings, it’s natural for us to crave acceptance from those we admire. Yet, when my confidence wavers, my self-worth becomes overly reliant on how I believe others perceive me.
- "Does she think I’m foolish / unattractive / inadequate?"
- "Does he believe I'm handling this incorrectly?"
- "Do they think I’m not enough?"
Additionally, I find myself withdrawing from curiosity. Instead of engaging with the thoughts and needs of others, I retreat into assumptions, which is rarely beneficial.
- "They didn’t respond; I must have messed up."
- "That reply seemed curt; she’s upset with me."
- "I’m not clever enough for this; I shouldn’t even try."
These misguided assumptions often exacerbate my self-doubt, empowering negative thoughts that further inhibit my confidence.
Seeking Guidance vs. Deference
When my confidence is low, I often look to others for direction rather than trusting my intuition. There’s a fine line between seeking advice from trusted friends and relinquishing control over my decisions.
- "Janet must know better; if she advises me to leave my relationship, maybe I should."
- "Steve thinks my business idea is flawed, so I won't pursue it."
- "If Amanda doubts his trustworthiness, I’ll ignore my own instincts and side with her."
In such moments, I also become less open with those I care about. Instead of reaching out for support, I often claim I’m 'fine', which isolates me further and fosters the false belief that I must handle everything on my own.
These behaviors detract from self-care, moving me away from a healthy self-image and closer to self-doubt. Eventually, this impacts my energy levels, leaving me feeling scattered and disconnected.
Combatting Self-Doubt
When I recognize self-doubt creeping in, I employ these four strategies to rebuild my confidence and reconnect with my authentic self. These tactics are consistent with those I’ve previously discussed for avoiding burnout and living authentically.
Breathe.
I practice daily meditation and breathing exercises to cultivate a sense of grounding.
Rest.
Prioritizing restorative sleep and taking regular breaks allows for a clearer perspective.
Nourish.
I consciously limit social media use, reduce alcohol consumption, eat healthily, read for pleasure, and engage in activities I love, like yoga or dancing. This boosts my energy and patience.
Talk.
I have open discussions with a few trusted friends, exploring the roots of my self-doubt. These exchanges foster clarity and objectivity, reminding me of the importance of connection. They reassure me that I am valued and deserve to be understood.
Fortunately, these confidence dips are shorter than they used to be. By embracing self-loving practices and letting go of those that harm me, my confidence returns, and the metaphorical water line rises higher each time.
In this TEDx talk, Peter Sage discusses the importance of eliminating self-doubt and harnessing the power of your unconscious mind to transform your life.
Mel Robbins offers practical tips on overcoming self-doubt, focusing on actionable strategies that empower individuals to reclaim their confidence.