Work Is Not a Family

I maintain clear boundaries between my personal and professional lives. While some sharing is necessary to foster workplace camaraderie, I remain largely reserved, sharing only with a close friend.

In the past, I was more open about my personal life at work, but after experiencing the fallout from oversharing, I’ve learned to keep my private life under wraps. The less my employer and colleagues know about me, the better. Terms like "work family" or the even more cringe-worthy "work husband" and "work wife" evoke a strong sense of distaste in me. I witnessed firsthand when my employer laid off many of their so-called “family” last year. This has reinforced my understanding of my replaceability in the workplace. If I were to resign, someone would take my place the very next day. How naive it is to believe that an employer genuinely cares about you.

Oversharing at Work: A Risky Move

The idea of “bringing your whole self to work” has become a trendy HR slogan, but it can have detrimental effects, as Erin Thomas, head of diversity, inclusion, and belonging at Upwork, points out. Originally, this concept was meant to encourage authenticity in the workplace, but its widespread usage has stripped it of its context and nuance, leading to potential pitfalls.

According to Gail Golden, MBA, Ph.D., not every aspect of our identities belongs in the workplace. Like me, she argues that we are there to fulfill our professional responsibilities. The qualities that help us perform our jobs effectively should be present at work, while the rest of our identities should remain private.

I’m at my job to work, not to hear personal anecdotes that are distracting and often inappropriate.

Section 1.1: Boundaries of Professional Discourse

There are certain topics I prefer to avoid in a professional setting. If I’m not inclined to hear about them from my closest friends and family, why would I want to discuss them with colleagues?

• Political Views: These can lead to divisive conversations and should be kept out of the workplace.
• Religious Beliefs: While casual mentions are acceptable, proselytizing is not appropriate.
• Dating and Relationships: Discussing personal romantic lives is too intimate for the office.
• Family Issues: Although family troubles can weigh heavily on us, they should not be aired at work.
• Vulgar Language: It’s best to avoid profanity, especially with colleagues you don’t know well.
• Substance Use: Stories related to drug or alcohol use are inappropriate, even if they seem humorous.

Respecting both yourself and your coworkers means refraining from these discussions in the workplace.

Section 1.2: The Shift in Workplace Culture

I don’t expect my employer to reverse its stance on allowing employees to bring their whole selves to work; it’s become ingrained in the company culture, particularly in tech environments. While I appreciate the efforts toward inclusivity, I feel that the trend has overstepped its bounds. I would prefer a more polished, professional demeanor in the office.

Next week, I’m scheduled to attend a session titled “Leading with Your Authentic Self.” As a leader, I find this guidance to be counterproductive. I can only hope I manage to keep my eye-rolling in check during the meeting. Unfortunately, I must attend since my boss is one of the speakers.

I should also brace myself for our upcoming one-on-one, where I may have to listen to her recount tales of her psychedelic retreat in Joshua Tree or her grievances with her yoga instructor.