Chapter 1: The Weight of Feeling Unwanted

Experiencing a sense of being unwanted can cloud one's ability to focus on other aspects of life. I highlight the word "feel" because, despite having people who care about me, the sensation of being unwanted by my pursuits remains. This doesn't imply dissatisfaction with those who value me; rather, it reflects the disappointment I experience when my aspirations aren't reciprocated with enthusiasm.

This feeling often leads me down a spiral of self-criticism and frustration regarding my personal growth. Questions flood my mind: Why did I select this professional path, this hobby that doesn’t seem to suit me, or this academic focus? Why didn’t I opt for something more fulfilling, esteemed, or pertinent? The answers elude me.

Perhaps my life has unfolded as it was meant to, just as Oedipus met his fate. Trying to evade this path feels futile, akin to Jonah, who was cast forth from the depths of the sea to fulfill his purpose. I find myself envious of Jonah’s clear mission. He was directed to a specific location and task, a stark contrast to my own lack of direction.

A few months ago, I was hopeful that my career trajectory was shifting. Signs pointed towards a new beginning, and opportunities seemed to emerge as I approached them. Picture a lost boy, guided by a will-o-the-wisp through a dark forest towards a welcoming path. This path leads him to a cozy shed, where he begins to arrange his surroundings. Soon, he discovers a basket of food left at his door, and for a moment, everything appears promising. However, as the weather shifts, he realizes the walls are thin, and rain seeps through the roof.

Unprepared for winter, he must devise a plan to leave. Then, another knock reveals a horse and cart filled with supplies, which he hopes will sustain him through the cold months. However, as he cares for the horse, he receives a letter indicating the cottage’s impending demolition. With little time to pack, a giant troll arrives, tearing away the roof.

Grateful for the cart and horse, he sets off, but soon discovers the horse is ailing and the cart is deteriorating, jeopardizing his chances of finding shelter. In desperation, he stops to make repairs, wasting precious time as the temperature drops. Amidst the isolation, he spots a tall obelisk with a door, leading him to a staircase with locked doors at every level. He knocks, but no one responds, hearing only voices inside.

Desperate, he rushes up the stairs, trying each handle, but the cold intensifies, and his supplies dwindle. I resonate with this boy's plight; I'm frantically testing every door, led out of the wilderness only to find myself in a barren field with no clear path ahead. Yet, hope persists. The will-o-the-wisp appears just when I feel most lost, suggesting perhaps I need to embrace this confusion further until clarity returns.

I didn’t intend for this to morph into a narrative, but it has assisted me in processing my emotions. Thankfully, I’m not isolated; I have a robust support system by my side. Writing allows me to channel my feelings during this wilderness phase, and for that, I’m grateful. Thank you for your patience. I have numerous ideas swirling in my mind, but I must finalize a few projects before returning to my short story.

Chapter 2: Embracing Free Writing

Experience the evocative visuals of Pale Waves in "Unwanted," capturing the essence of feeling out of place.

Enjoy Avril Lavigne's "Unwanted," an anthem for those grappling with feelings of rejection and a longing for acceptance.