Chapter 1: A Reflective Conversation

Recently, during a visit from my brother, a discussion about investments prompted me to reassess my past choices. He has consistently excelled in managing his finances, diligently maximizing his retirement contributions each year. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for myself.

For much of my life, particularly until my thirties, I didn't save any money. The primary reason for this was my two significant addictions: alcohol and cigarettes. Many who haven't struggled with addiction may not fully grasp the financial burden it imposes. Initially, my smoking habit cost me around $3 to $4 daily, but by the time I quit, it had ballooned to approximately $15 a day.

My drinking expenses were similar. While I lack precise records, I estimate that I spent around $10 on alcohol, especially in my later years. When I shared these details with my brother, I expressed that this was a profound regret of mine. My struggles with addiction spanned over a decade, likely costing me tens of thousands of dollars. Sometimes, I ponder how different my financial landscape might have been without those years of drinking and smoking.

This reflection often leads to an emotional spiral, as I find myself fixated on past decisions.

Section 1.1: Shifting Perspectives

During our conversation, I recognized that I was sinking into a cynical mindset, fixating on negative experiences from my past without any constructive purpose. However, my journey as an addict does have a positive conclusion. I achieved what few manage to do—I stopped drinking over five and a half years ago and quit smoking shortly thereafter.

Instead of lamenting the money I squandered on these habits, I ought to focus on the financial freedom I've gained since quitting. By my calculations, I've saved over ten thousand dollars from stopping smoking and another ten thousand from achieving sobriety. Moreover, this savings will continue to grow as I maintain my smoke-free and sober lifestyle, which is indeed something to celebrate.

Focusing on past errors that cannot be undone serves no purpose. Instead, I should derive motivation from envisioning a brighter future. These two perspectives address the same issue—the steep costs of addiction—but one is drenched in pessimism while the other exudes optimism.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Power of Optimism

From my experience, adopting an optimistic outlook is far more beneficial. Dwelling on past mistakes brings only sorrow, whereas contemplating the future ignites excitement and inspires further improvements in my life. This shift in mindset is not solely about finances; it applies to all forms of regret linked to addiction.

Many individuals I’ve encountered on the road to recovery have made significant life mistakes. It's an intrinsic part of the journey. While I would never advocate for ignoring those errors, it's equally unproductive to wallow in sadness over them. Instead, I strive to acknowledge my missteps, seek forgiveness from those I've wronged, and learn from these experiences to foster better choices moving forward.

It's true that had I not engaged in drinking and smoking, I could have amassed savings in my twenties. However, that's a reality I cannot change. I have committed myself to learning from the past and developing improved financial habits in my thirties, and thus far, I’ve managed reasonably well.

Chapter 2: Addressing Regret and Shame

In this insightful video, "Do Addicts/Alcoholics Regret Losing You?", the discussion revolves around the emotional turmoil faced by individuals in recovery and the impact on their relationships.

The second video, "How Do You Deal With Shame And Regret? | How Do You Fight Shame In Recovery?", offers valuable strategies for managing feelings of shame and regret in the journey of recovery.