Chapter 1: Exploring the Concept of Merging

In this discussion, I aim to delve into a different form of merging—connecting with others. From childhood, we establish bonds with our parents, and throughout various life stages, we intertwine with friends, partners, colleagues, and even the broader society. This merging serves as a crucial mechanism that prepares us for meaningful interactions, helping us bridge the gap of isolation and foster attachments.

When we first encounter someone, we often see them as perfect, overlooking any potential flaws or differences. In these initial stages, we tend to magnify our similarities while conveniently ignoring our dissimilarities. However, as time passes, these differences inevitably surface. For instance, I may be feeling great, but the other person is struggling, or perhaps one of us is hungry while the other is tired. Similarly, in a workplace that once felt rewarding, the demands may shift, requiring overtime that I can't manage.

During these moments of discomfort, we need to recognize the divergence between our expectations and reality. It's essential to pause and reassess our perceptions, as the individual before us may not align with our idealized image. Instead of rushing to judgment, we should seek to understand both our differences and similarities to foster healthier interactions.

This process of adjustment—what I refer to as "grinding in"—is a natural pathway toward establishing meaningful connections. Through this exploration, we may discover that a particular relationship isn't suitable for us, prompting us to either step back and seek new connections or learn how to respect each other's boundaries without merging into one entity.

However, if the goal of merging is to fill a void or evade personal responsibility, then any divergence from the norm is likely to be seen as a crisis. In such cases, one might present an ultimatum to the other party: either we remain perfectly aligned, or the relationship is over. When the other person resists this push for merging, they may face outright rejection.

One of the inherent contradictions in merging is that it appears mutual—“we are merging”—but in reality, the experience is often solitary. While I might seek to connect with another person, their willingness to reciprocate remains uncertain. If they have established personal boundaries, my attempts to merge may come off as intrusive, triggering defensive responses.

For those who lack personal boundaries, any changes in another person could feel threatening. Consequently, they might resist the discomfort of adapting, which could lead to manipulative tactics to maintain the merger or evade the need for personal growth.

This cycle of merging and rejection can become a trap. Individuals may find themselves caught in a loop, striving for connection only to feel rejected when the other person doesn’t conform to their expectations. This can lead to a continuous search for someone who perfectly aligns with one’s needs—a nearly impossible quest.

Another pitfall of merging is the tendency to prioritize one's own needs above the other person's. Whether overtly stated or not, the expectation is that the relationship should cater primarily to my desires. This self-centered approach can be damaging, as it neglects the rights of the other person to their own space, feelings, and thoughts—only valuing them as long as they align with my own requirements.

The merging dynamic operates similarly, whether in one-on-one relationships or within groups. However, the larger the group, the more complicated the experience can become, especially if one seeks to exploit the collective for their own needs rather than fostering genuine connections.

Individuals prone to merging often feel as though they are being influenced or controlled by others. In group settings, this sensation intensifies, as meeting personal expectations becomes increasingly complex. Organizations and societies have their own rules and structures that are less likely to bend to individual desires, leading to persistent tension and dissatisfaction.

The key to breaking free from the cycle of merging lies in accepting the risk of solitude and taking responsibility for one’s own existence. By embracing this truth, you’ll find that you can forge healthy connections that allow you to remain authentic while being close to others, respecting their individuality and separateness. In these relationships, you won’t feel pressured to conform or exhaust yourself trying to influence another person.

“You will continue to be unhappy as long as you believe that others make you happy.”

Chapter 2: Leadership and Mergers in Organizations

In this chapter, we will explore how leadership continuity can influence the effects of mergers on organizational performance.

This video features Kohei Suzuki discussing the relationship between leadership continuity and its impact on municipal performance during mergers.